I’ve been neglecting my practice for awhile now. I’ve made excuses, thinking that I could avoid what is inevitable and irrepressible within me. “I’m too busy with school” became “I’m too busy with work and taking care of my basic needs when I get home from work at 8 pm and can barely function.” A good friend of mine, and a fellow writer who is a continuous source of inspiration, reminded me that passion should be at the forefront of everything that you do. You should never ignore that irreplaceable spark within you that fuels your soul. So that’s what I shall do. I will stop ignoring my passions and integrate them into every single task that I take on.
So, back to the life changes.
Last month I went through a whirlwind of decisions and upheaval and changes that literally knocked me off my feet. I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in PR and a minor in creative writing… but I missed my graduation because I also had to find an apartment, move to Miami, learn to share space with my boyfriend, and start a new career. All within the space of a week. Needless to say, I lost all orientation and have been struggling with finding which way is up and which way is down. Mostly, everything that seemed pretty down. But it’s all about perspective, right?
All these changes happening all at once took a toll on my spiritual and emotional wellbeing. I no longer had stability or even any small sense of familiarity to cling to for comfort. Literally everything about my life changed in the span of one week. Inevitably, I started going into fatalist mode and feeling like I was being sucked into a huge wave and I’d suddenly lost the ability to swim.
And so I decided to let myself drown.
Things felt easier when I started to ease up on myself and let go. Instead of fighting all these feelings of sheer terror, insecurity and anxiety I told myself that what I’m experiencing is normal. I’m not the only human being who has ever given up everything they’ve ever known and tried something new. I’m not the only human being who’s tried something new and failed. Or succeeded. Or taken a new path. That’s the beauty of change – you can try your best to prepare for it, to schedule it, to brace yourself for the shock, but you’ll never really know how or when it’s going to hit you.
When I was younger, my godmother told me a saying that resonated with me ever since: This too shall pass.
Nothing ever stays the same. If you’re unhappy with your life, know that in a matter of seconds it can, and it will, change. If you open yourself up to the possibilities of the world, beautiful, thrilling, life-altering change will find its way to you.
So this is what I’ve learned from all of this mess:
- Be gentle on yourself. What you are going through is valuable and meaningful, and you should pay attention to it rather than be ashamed of it.
- Life changes take an immense amount of courage. Reward yourself for the little victories throughout the transition process, no matter how small they may be. They will feel like huge victories and keep you moving forward.
- Grief comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s not just related to death and dying. You can grieve over the loss of a way of life, the loss of stability, the loss of familiarity, the loss of virtually anything. What’s crucial about grieving is how you direct your energy. You can let the grief devour you, or you can use it as a catalyst to facilitate positive change and make yourself stronger.
- This too shall pass. Even though sometimes it may feel like you’re stuck forever and you’ll never feel differently than you do now, these feelings and fears will pass. Let your light shine bravely on, and don’t give up the fight for fear that everything isn’t perfect. In time, it will be.