Tonight, to celebrate Friday the 13th and the full moon falling on the same night (which is not supposed to happen for another 400 or so years), I went to a shamanic sound healing meditation. I haven’t been very involved in the spiritual or yogic community in South Florida since moving here, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d done a sound healing workshop once before, many years ago when I first started getting into my yoga practice, but this was a completely different experience.
I had a clear mind going into the ceremony. Our teacher cleansed us with sage and opened up the sacred space with traditional Native American blessings. We practiced breath of seven to clear our physical space and open ourselves up to receive new programming.
Our teacher talked to us about how this night is particularly auspicious, and this period of time that we’re in is calling for us to awaken and let ourselves be receptive and open to change. Now is the time to reconcile what we want with what we are actually doing, and make a choice to let go of things, people, or patterns that don’t serve us. We wrote down things we want to release on one sheet of paper, and things we want to manifest on another (how relevant to my last post!).
I thought about wanting to release stress and anxiety, and fear of the future. I also thought about calling to my inner self to guide me towards a path that is creative, fulfilling, and in alignment with what I truly want.
Once she started the crystal singing bowl ceremony, I slipped instantly into a deep train of thought. What was different from this thought pattern, however, was that it wasn’t tense and full of worry like most of my heavy, thoughtful sessions. I didn’t feel a nagging and suffocating fear of the future, or the need to formulate a plan. I felt a complete sense of clarity, like all my insecurities or doubts completely dissolved. My body felt light, but very present and grounded, and my mind followed a path of thought without being forced or directed by outside questions or distractions.
I pictured myself following this career and life path that I am currently in. In this life I was wealthy, successful, and powerful. I commanded attention and lived in a beautiful, expensive home. I had many possessions. But something was missing. It made me think of the walks I’ve been taking around South Beach at night where I’ve noticed a pattern. I follow a route that leads me around the condos and lofts that I find particularly beautiful. They are all modern and clean, with beautiful water views and high ceilings. They are landscaped with bamboo and plumeria trees and manicured grass. But they are dead. No matter what the hour of day or night, they always seem to be empty. There are parking spaces for expensive cars, and rooms for expensive belongings, but no one is truly present there. I’ve come to realize that these people, who are so wealthy that they can afford these beautiful homes, are very rarely home because they spend their lives working to maintain that wealth and status. They don’t get to enjoy the fruits of their labor because they are so completely tethered to their rigorous schedules and career demands.
In this life I felt claustrophobic, unsatisfied, unfulfilled. I know it sounds cliche, but money did not buy me happiness. I saw my spirit and personality draining away and becoming bland.
And then my mind shifted gears. I saw myself pursuing a career in the healing arts. When I was little, a psychic read my natal charts and told my mother that I would be a healer. I would work in the healing arts, in something like massage therapy. Ever since then I’ve been enchanted with the idea of using touch to help people. I was fascinated with massage, with yoga, with aromatherapy, with any type of alternative medicine. I aspired to be like people in the healing arts who exuded the most serene, positive and restorative energy. People like my godmother, who works as a life couch and spiritual growth counselor, and my mom’s friends who are massage therapists. I grew up disregarding that dream, however, because I was programmed to believe that it was not a “real job.” I was told that a “real job” involved a desk and set hours and two weeks vacation time. I was told that that would make me feel happy and fulfilled. I’m starting to learn for myself that this is not the case.
I lived a second life in my mind, and on my new path I lived modestly, without many expensive things but with enough to build a wonderful and recharging space to call my own. I was able to travel and experience new places and the freedom to move while still maintaining my job. I felt enchanted by learning more about the power of healing touch, and hungry to keep growing in my profession. I honestly can’t tell you when the last time I felt that wonderful hunger was – perhaps with my writing or with fire-dancing. In this life I was relaxed, at ease, natural, and growing both spiritually and mentally.
It was like I was witnessing a side-by-side movie reel of my life after making two very different choices. I could choose to force myself to fit into a social norm and expectation and be happy in theory, but miserable and caged in spirit, or I could choose to do something scary and challenging and perhaps controversial to my family at first and live a life of creativity and passion.
I came out of my trance-like state as soon as the meditation ended, but my sense of clarity and direction is still intact. Instead of feeling like I need to immediately implement what I learned in that two hour meditation, I feel confident that if I continue to focus on it, my life will steer in that direction. I don’t feel the need to make a plan or strategize, because I know now that the healing arts is my life calling. I was able to shed all my previous programming from school, society and my family and really focus on what I wanted, instead of thinking about what I want and then immediately suppressing it and telling myself I want something different because it’s not what other people want for me. That’s a huge step for me.
On this full moon, on this auspicious night of magic and mystery, I have felt my heart and mind open to the possibilities of this strange and crazy world. And I have felt my rational mind soften and become sympathetic to the wants and needs of my heart. On this traditionally “unlucky” night, I feel extremely lucky to have channeled a different wavelength of thought and allowed myself to truly discover what it is that I want in life. So cheers: to starting a new moon cycle, and to creating a life where my spirit can shine bright and unashamed, and my heart can howl at the moon with joy and reverence every night. I hope your full moon was just as enlightening!